Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Little Emotional...

In the blog world, it seems as though everyone posts about their daily eats and showcase pictures of their fab foodie presentations. I got intrigued with blogs like Healthy Tipping Point, Eat, Live, Run, and Carrots 'N' Cake enough to start my own (all the big dogs, right?:) but am not on solid ground about showcasing what I eat to the world just yet.

I know I definetly want to add that part of my life (and it's such a delicious one!) into E&E, but I'm not sure how.

Quite frankly, I'm worried about it. Why, you might ask?

Here goes:

When I was in my senior year of high school, I was at a mostly healthy weight. I say "mostly," because now I look back and see my past self as someone who wasn't a healthy eater and who rarely exercised.

I see a happy (and very tan) high school graduate who never thought of weight, food or exercise as something to obsess over in that picture.

The above image was taken in the bunk of my cabin aboard the S/V Concordia. I was accepted to be part of Class Afloat, a study abroad program that allowed me to sail the world on a beautiful barquentine from Vancouver to Poland over a ten-month period of time.

Those ten months were some of my hardest, longest and what I used to call the worst days of my life. I still remember the bad, but I look back on my time onboard with a smile ashe Concordia and Class Afloat and have made me such a better person.

However, during that time, my weight shot up about 15-20 pounds. What I admire most about myself (before becoming obsessed) was the fact that I never really stepped on a scale then. I knew gaining weight and muscle from sampling different cultures' foods and setting sails was just part of the game.



However, when I moved back to Florida, specifically, to a looks-obsessed city in South Florida, I became obsessed with losing the weight like never before. I really can't pinpoint one specific cause, but all of a sudden I was at the gym all. the. time. ... sometimes for hours every day, burning off every calorie I ate and more.



I had it down to a science, timed my class and work schedules around the gym (crazy, right?!?- scheduling school around the gym... I couldn't prioritize) and literally felt as if I couldn't function if I didn't do everything according to plan.



At one point, I weighed 109 pounds, which for me meant limiting what I ate to such a degree I don't know how I managed so much exercise, and cutting off my life to everything besides the gym and calorie burning. I still managed to do well in school, but I whittled my body down, undoubtedly having some negative health effects along the way.

To me, this picture represents a girl who limited herself and alienated herself from the world, all for the sake of the gym.

Luckily, my friends and family caught on and gave me a good ol' talkin to- they set me straight. I may not have the easiest of times with food now, but I am on so much better of a path- I focus more on school, travel, have a life, work, and intern.

Most importantly, I enjoy exercise for what it is and don't use a number system anymore.

I want to thank all of you lovely, wonderful (and sometimes manly:) bloggers for helping me realize that life isn't a competition to be a size 00, living off of diet soda and raw vegetables alone. I love food again, and don't feel guilty about allowing myself healthy portions and junk, in moderation;)

Ya'll have already made such an impact on my life in such good ways, and I hope to stay around the blogosphere and and share some more about myself in the future... And to learn more about you, too!

16 comments:

  1. Hi Jenny! Thanks for commenting on my blog and for sharing your story. I look forward to reading more soon!

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  2. Hello, my dear girl! Thanks for sharing your story...I'm so glad you had people around you to catch you in time! Man, things could have gotten a lot more serious.
    I hope you definitely stay around in the blogging world...but not just to chronicle your eats...but to gain a whole network of support system and friendships! :-)

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  3. We all have pasts, but more important we also have futures and I know that you have a bright one. I'm glad you opened up to us and I look forward to seeing where this takes you. Best of luck with everything and never hesitate to reach out, this is a ridiculously supportive community of eaters and movers :)

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  4. This story is so similar to mine, and to so many women in blogworld...it's so sad that we all fall prey to this belief that thin=happy! I'm so glad that you've overcome your disorder, and were brave enough to share. It takes courage! You're gorgeous, girl :)

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  5. You seem so aware of everything you've been through- that's the toughest part of the battle. The most important thing you said was "Most importantly, I enjoy exercise for what it is and don't use a number system anymore." That's wonderful!!! :)

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  6. Your blog should totally be what you want it to be. I don't post all my eats because I am not a "food blogger" only and I don't want to be. The people who do post every single thing that goes in their mouth..kudos to them but it aint my thing! :)

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  7. thanks for sharing your story Jenn. Its ok if you dont document everything you eat, its your blog and its totally up to you how it flows. dont worry, we wont flog you for it ;) by the time i remember to take a picture my stomach has already digested the food. lol.

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  8. Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with Genesis. It's your blog and you have to find what works for you. I forget sometimes myself! Then I just say to hell with it haha!

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  9. Thanks for sharing your story! I think it's great to hear that although things were rough, you are getting to a place that is much better for you. I also think there can be a lot more to blogging than just documenting your eats, so that's always an option as well! :)

    Do you still live in the South Florida area? I do, so I completely understand what you mean by looks-obsessed. It can be challenging to see yourself as naturally beautiful when you are surrounded by super tan, fake boobed gorgeous (but fake) women... but it CAN be done! :)

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  10. Hey! I enjoyed reading your story, and I'm glad you're in a happier place now. :-) Pretty soon you'll be the one motivating others through your blog!

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  11. I admire you for sharing your story and I'm so glad to hear you're on a better path :)
    I love that the bloggosphere gives so much support!

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  12. Hey sweetheart! thank you soo much for sharing your story!! ahh i am so glad you are in a better place! you are so awesome! i am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

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  13. Thanks for sharing your story here and for stopping by my blog and I think your blog is and will be great if you follow your own path and don't try to blog how others blog, it's about you and your story is so interesting!

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  14. Hey Jenny! Thanks for sharing your story and commenting on my blog! It's great to see you in a better place.

    If you're ever down in S. FL again and want to hang out, let me know!

    and here is where I posted the link for my pb carrot cookies: http://rainforestgurl.blogspot.com/2010/03/triumphs-and-unique.html

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  15. hii lady. im so happy you commented on my blog bc it brought me to yours! even while you figure out what you want to do here in blogland, i'm down to read. you're amazing--and incredibly strong for committing yourself to your happiness over your past obsession. i think being a part of this community will only continue to help your relationship with food, exercise and LIFE (the most important, though ya know i adore my foood...) xoxo sarah

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  16. Thanks for sharing and so glad you're on a healthy road!

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